I’ve had my world totally rocked lately. 

I mean life is challenging enough, who needs anything else adding fuel to the fire – am I right?

(This is literally my favorite gif – I don’t think it gets more accurate than this lol.)

Yet I’ve uncovered another important layer about myself.

After 44 years on this earth and about 20 of those years working deeply in the field of human behavior and development, I discovered something.

Like all new discoveries, it started with an amazing teacher.  Mine just happens to be this incredible 10-year old AuDHD kiddo.

Eleanor has motivated me for the past 9 years to understand her better, because we always knew the way she oriented to the world meant that her body needed more support.  Through almost a decade of pushing myself to learn more and advocate for her needs, I finally started to see some of myself in what I was learning… for her.  

Fast-forward to a few months ago, I started to really dive into what it means to be autistic and female.

You probably aren’t surprised to learn that all of the previous research on autism was conducted mostly on middle-class white boys, so our evaluation tools and therapeutic resources were limited when trying to serve marginalized kiddos and girls.  

It felt impossible to get anyone, especially in the United States, to see Eleanor’s autism clearly.  It took a clinic in Canada, where the therapist has specialized in girls and women for over 30 years, to be shown how autism is different for females in our culture. 

FINALLY!  We had information that actually made sense for our kiddo and could start taking steps towards helping her cope with a world not built for her.  

She started seeing a therapist that specializes in kiddos with autism to help her cope with her specific needs.  And Dave and I have been attending each of these sessions with her.  We have learned so much that it led to me to begin to question my own experiences.  

Could I be just like Eleanor? 

I spent hours reading research, learning from autistic females and professionals who understand the female dilemma.  

I finally took the step I needed and had a professional evaluate me.  I bet you aren’t surprised to learn that I am a very high-masking autistic woman. 😂

Maybe it’s my expert pattern recognition that should have given it away first. I mean, I have met very few people who can hold the nuances and details of all 27-subtypes of the Enneagram, alongside developmental trauma, marginalized identity, culture, and learned behaviors and come to a type recommendation in under an hour. 🤪  

(If you’d like to learn more about my Enneagram Typing Sessions, click here!)

And those type recommendations, with over 2000 typing interviews under my belt, have been accurate almost 100% of the time.  lol 

I was shooketh.  How had I not seen what was so clearly in front of me for so long?

It’s because we aren’t meant to see the coping strategies or the masks we wear.  They are meant to keep us safe from the world. 

For most of us, this work gets easier with support – a great teacher, mentor, healing professional or guide, who can often help us see what’s true underneath.

For me, it was a brilliant and bright little girl who helped me take that next step.

I am still working to understand this new part of me.  But for the first time in a long time, some missing puzzle pieces fit – and fit really well.  

So… thanks for being here with me as we journey through this thing called life, together. It means the world to me that we can expand and grow right alongside one another.