How Many Hard Things Can We Really Handle?
Let’s talk stress responses.
If you are a fan of Glennon Doyle’s books or podcast, then you know her mantra: “We can do hard things.”
The question I’ve been asking myself this season is…just how many hard things can we actually handle?
My super scientific and nerdy answer? It depends. 😂
It really depends on how you learned to deal with the harder parts of your life as a kiddo. And how those same coping skills have shifted as you’ve aged.
For most of us (before we rewire our brains) find that our primary way of coping with hard things is stuck in a fight, flight or freeze response.
Basically, it means our coping skills our probably outdated and keeping our brain thinking we are in survival mode.
Let’s see if you can see your skills in any of these examples of different stress responses:
The Fight Response
- Argues or debates intensely
- Criticizes or blames others
- Raises their voice or yells
- Demands control or dominance
- Becomes aggressive or confrontational
- Attempts to “win” the situation
- Gets defensive or projects experiences on others
- Wants to be heard or to be right
The Flight Response
- Physically leaves the situation
- Overthinks or spirals into worry
- Over- plans or hyper-focuses on tasks
- Avoids communication entirely
- Changes the subject or redirects focus
- Seeks comfort externally (food, work, alcohol, etc.)
The Freeze Response
- Struggles to make decisions
- Feels paralyzed or “stuck”
- Over-apologizes without resolving
- Mentally checks out or dissociates
- Waits passively for the situation to resolve itself
- Distracts or numbs (TV, video games, etc.)
- Stonewalls and delays progress
- Says yes when they mean no, or gives in to others’ wants
We all use a variety of responses to stress, so I expect that you’ve seen some of yourself in these lists.
However, if you find yourself over-using these responses, chances are your ‘nervous system’ is stuck in a pattern of survival and is not doing you any favors.
The first step is to realize you didn’t do anything wrong.
Learning to handle hard things is a skill we should have been taught starting in childhood – like learning to read or ride a bike.
Most of us learn how to handle the hard stuff from our parents and caretakers, which means our families are often inadvertently passing down skills that don’t grow with us.
I’m here to help. (Want to learn more about what I do? Click here to find out!)
For the better part of the last 10 years I have been collecting all of the tips, tricks, and hacks to make the work of ‘doing hard things’ easier. And I want to share them with you!
Join me for my upcoming webinar, where I’ll teach you the basics of building healthier stress management skills for just $25!
These skills will help you feel like you can handle more, instead of less. Skills that will leave you feeling recharged, instead of drained. Skills that you can use to recover from all that life throws your way.
Plus, if you attend the session live, I’ll be answering your specific questions and helping you problem-solve in a way that is unique to you.
Otherwise, a replay will be sent out to everyone who registers.
Can’t wait to see you there!
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